Revelations one shot
by Okamizen
Summary: One shot leading into Revelations which will be published soon. Shinji is left alone at the scene of the beach and falls into his own mind facing the horrors within.


Disclaimer: I do not own evangelion OR any of the characters in this story if you believe i do I'm sure Gainax and Hideaki Anno would be more then happy to tell you otherwise.

Shinji awoke to the feeling of his hands enclosing flesh, tightening his grip mindlessly remembering the last time he had felt this way. It had been in there, that place with no boundaries where his sickness was revealed for everyone to see, his shame and his disgust openly displayed. He froze as he felt something brush his cheek looking down and seeing nothing, the feeling vanishing from his hands before they hit the sand and he began to weep openly for he knew now that he was truly, utterly alone.

Hours later he managed to gather enough of his broken mind to rise from the sand looking around at the orange lcl sea in front of him, the limp impaled corpses of the mp eva's hanging over it, their grins reminding him of some disturbingly cheerful gargoyles set in place to guard what remained of humanity. There was no other landmark, just the endless sea with it's horrific guardians. He rose and began walking sometimes imagining he'd catch a glimpse of flowing red or bright inquisitive blue but whenever he looked closer it was revealed to be nothing. Despair settled over his soul for he knew that others were supposed to be able to return but who would want to after all, despite everything else instrumentality had been comforting and he was in this place how could anyone else wish to return when he was here, they all must have seen just how fucked up he really was. He had no sense of time passing as he walked lost in his depressed thoughts until he looked up and saw a small store before him with a J.S.S.D.F ground vehicle sitting outside it he flinched half expecting a shout followed by gunfire to ring out but there was nothing but the same deadened silence that permeated everything there were no vehicles running no birds no talking nothing the world was gone and he was alone.

He decided that he might as well get what he could salvage from the store he walked up and stepped through the shattered plate glass window ignoring the haunted expression he saw from his reflection in the shards of glass. He began to wander through the aisles picking up preserved food, a flashlight a small tent that had been set beside a display for Yebisu beer the memories of Misato hitting him leaving him sobbing for a good 20 minutes before he could move on. He turned the corner and stopped seeing a flash of red but it was just a kid's toy, some robot with long red strings flowing in the breeze behind it. he tightened remembering his mix of hatred and love for the rude foreigner overwhelming him before he exploded kicking over the shelf in front of him grabbing the toy and smashing it repeatedly into the floor, something in his hand made a sickening crunch and blood joined the broken toy parts on the ground but he couldn't stop, everything he'd been holding in was released, after some time he realized his throat was burning because he had been screaming unintelligibly the entire time and he collapsed in the blood on the ground and shook as tears streamed unabated out of his eyes before darkness overtook him and he knew nothing for a few blessed hours.

When the pain in his shattered hand woke him he had no idea how long he'd been out but it was dark. He picked up the meager supplies he'd gathered and walked back out of the store heading towards the beach But something caught his eye on the ground, it was a service pistol probably dropped by one of the J.S.S.D.F troopers stopping and leaning down he picked it up and remembering Misato's gun handling before shaking away the memories that would bring he removed the clip, there was one bullet a dark silver reminder of the pain that Seele and his father had brought upon them all. He laughed the sound coming out hollow and choked and popped the clip back into the gun sliding it into the bag he'd put the food into. he didn't know why he wanted to take it but he was too exhausted and his brain was foggy with pain from his hand to care. He began the long trek back to where he'd surfaced from the LCL in silence.

The fire crackled merrily the popping of the fake logs a startling counterpart to the dark disheartened young man in front of it. The young man was talking, yelling seemingly to himself " You aren't her! Just leave me alone! Haven't i suffered enough already?" His eyes revealed depths of pain and despair no one should ever have to feel let alone someone so young. The yelling stopped suddenly devolving into whimpers of fear and pain as he clutched his hand to his chest the bright red of infection spreading up his arm.

It had been 3 days since Shinji had returned from the store, At least he thought so anyway time had no meaning for him anymore. The only things that existed for him were the burning in his arm and the memories that It always dug up and threw at him, It's face twisted with spite and hatred. Some part of him knew that It wasn't real and he was feverish from the infection but that part of his mind wasn't ever able to make itself heard above the pain, the screams and the guilt.

The red hair bobbed along almost happily but to Shinji it just reminded him of the disgust he felt and the terrible things he had done to her most of all. The thing stared at him it's glare almost seeming as if it could freeze his very blood, 'How DARE you look at me Shinji-boy?' It croaked as It's single eye narrowed dangerously the other socket nothing but a crater of mangled flesh. The tattered plug suit waved in a non existent wind revealing the horrible destruction the lances had wrecked upon It's body. 'You know what you have done. What is left of me is because of YOU. YOU sat there in your self-pity and let me get eaten alive! Why should you get to live when i had this happen to me? Why should you get a chance to be happy after you robbed me of mine!' The boy had no answer as he lay curled up wincing as the words bit into him flaying his broken soul further. It looked down on him in disgust 'But you won't kill yourself will you Shinji-boy your too weak, too cowardly. All you can do is run away well lets see you run from this.' It began to laugh a horrible wet sound as the pierced lungs began to heave and it reached down to touch his cheek and set off another wave of the memories. 'Lets go back to when I was in the hospital shall we? I do love that one so very much, don't you shinji-boy? What no answer? I know you do you'd love to do it again wouldn't you? Violate me again? You raped me shinji-boy and you loved it, Didn't you?' The broken boy before It merely whimpered then began to scream soundlessly as the memories came back, the sterilized white hospital room, the beautiful unscarred redhead laying before him, the sadness he felt at her condition and worst of all the feeling he had as he'd used her before looking down at his dirty hand in disgust as his mind cracked further. It stood in the corner of this scene bouncing gleefully as It's cackling took him into troubled unconsciousness.

A week, Do you know how long a week is when you are in a literal hell of your own making? It lasts an eternity there is no sense of the passing of days no hope for the future no happiness just pain, guilt, hatred and despair endlessly flowing through what remains of your mind.

The strongest man would break and Shinji while having displayed great strength had passed his limits. He no longer knew what was real and what was fake just that this demon before him laughing at his misery was inescapable except through one method. He barely felt anything as his hand gripped the cold metal his left hand for his right was no longer usable the infection having spread throughout his arm and into his shoulder. He raised the cold metal feeling it press hard into his forehead and looked up expecting to see the demon one last time it wouldn't let him go without torturing him to the last as well but there was nothing. his fist tightened around the handle of the pistol as he looked out over the sea before him imagining all the people trapped inside it. As he looked back down at the shore he saw the redhead again and began to scream his hand tightening on the trigger as her unmarred face looked up at him fear contorting her expression and the last thing he heard before the shot rang out and he knew nothing more was her scream of anguish and despair clawing at his heart "No Shinji!" before everything went black.

A/N I wrote this in about 40 minutes because anything i took longer on i would have time to stop and really think before posting and then I'd hate it and not go through with it. This is the first fan fiction I've ever written so please read and review and be brutal if it calls for it i need to improve and that won't happen through sugar coated reviews. I am also probably going to completely revise this story but i wanted this up as a one shot for archiving purposes. The next version will be much longer and better I promise I'll also be adding what happened to Asuka during the beach scene in that version.


End file.
